My Advice to Parents Before Your Teenager Leaves for College
Dorm stuff? Check. Water? Check. Values?
For those teens who have hopefully garnered enough college acceptance letters to make some choices, parents will need to make some choices too.
In a short time, your son or daughter will be packing bags to embark on a most amazing journey of self discovery at a college.
How does this new change redefine your role?
In what ways will you need to re-adjust your definition of parenting?
What would you say would be the best outcomes for your teenager during and after the college experience?
Do you both have the same set of expectations?
Recently, at a parent workshop on college admissions, several parents were very concerned about their child’s employability after college.
This is understandable. After all, college expenses are high, and in our culture, we’re very concerned nowadays about ROI (return on investment).
One set of parents explained that although their daughter was very interested in the arts, and it was her passion since elementary school, they felt that majoring in that field would be ‘a waste’, since it would be hard to earn a living after graduation.
Another set of concerned parents said their son, who loved sports in high school, was determined to attend a college with a great sports team, so he could try out and fulfill his desire to play baseball. However, they felt that his focus should be on a career instead, and since they felt that he didn’t have the skills to make the team, and he should redirect his focus now toward something more practical.
What is your priority for your teenager’s college education? Would the same outcome goals satisfy you and your teenager?
Should the main goal of college be to prepare your child for a job? Prepare your child for life? Give your child essential experiences to develop character? Encourage and develop passions? Create a lifelong network of friends?
In the examples above, it took some effort to redirect the conversation from the concerns centered around monetary success to ones that centered on the goals of a college education.
In recent years, I’ve seen increased pressure on teenagers to determine their life goals while in high school…in order to ‘maximize’ the college years. I remember being very surprised when a high school sophomore told me that she wanted to be a lawyer, in the business side of the entertainment industry, primarily negotiating contracts with singers.
Curious, I asked if she had taken a career inventory, or read a book on career development, or completed a career workshop because her goals were so specific. Her response was that her parents thought that since she was interested in singing, choosing that career would be a way to for her to make a lot of money.
So, what do you really want for your teenager in life? Are those the same things that your teenager wants?
This might be a great time to talk with your teenager about how you and he/she defines success.
Having all the dorm paraphernalia is important, but more important is having one of those conversations of a lifetime, so all parties have their values in alignment before bags are packed.
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